Another night like this
Night like this will be never ending. I dun expect much, just need some personal time to myself. N i can only do it through blogging. I no longer find talking to people about how i feel effective, because some ppl just dun understand. No matter how much u try to explain, and how strong/weak u appear to be..they will never get what u mean. All they do is, perceive what is from the outside. I dun 'look into' people as well..oh well, guess its because a lot of us dun even understand ourselves, how do u expect us to try n understand other ppl? My table is full of things, papers flying around, GNC medicine box, my big big pencil case, all my stationaries...cups, water bottle, my alarm clock..ar..how i wish i can throw everything into one corner. I cant even sleep on my bed for godness sake...i have my cosmopolitan, my notes on it. My WHOLE room looks super messy. Looks like i will have to find some time to clean it before i sleep tonite ( that is...IF im goin to sleep). I didn get to sleep yesterday, didn know what i did.guess nothing much productive (if u consider doin jcrc stuff productive). No sch work. a bit sad. Well, as my msn nick suggest, I dun set my priorites, they set me in automatically. Sometimes, out of no choice, i have to do things that 'seems' more important at certain time...but ultimately, other things were more important.
Today was a damn tiring day. Busy, as usual. Slept through my morning till 2 pm this afternoon, wasted my whole morning and i skipped lecture (not that i want to). Right now...i always have this idea that sleeping is equivalent to wasting my time. I slept from morning till afternoon n i felt damn bad after that...Now is 3.45 am, later in the morning, there will be more tasks for me to accomplish. I will have to bear with it.
...
Sometimes, i really do feel deprive. Whenever i think through my own calendar and run through all the thigns that i am suppose to do...i just cant figure out how much else time i can spare for myself. I used to 'stone' and day dream a lot, but now, i dun even have e luxury to. I dun believe in typing out self-motivational words...i just believe in typing out how i feel and this in turn can make me feel muchhhh better.
I feel weak, in fact. Very weak, although i always look strong and dun seem to succumb to any form of pressure. The sad fact is...because i can act. This is so pathetic. But i cannot feel sorry for myself. Life is suppose to be like this...without all these challenge and 'acting' and 'self-motivation', how else am i suppose to live life? Emotional support? from who? when my family arnt even here...alvin? But it seems that we are both v. busy with our own things. I cant be bothered to bother him and i cannot even afford to be cranky at times...like xiao hui. (n ya, i forgot to feed him again, wonder whether he ever feels lonely staying in e cage alone or not). I am against animal keeping, maybe i should set xiao hui free one day..but i am more against of animal abuse. Because, if i set him free, he will not be able to survive. This is the reality of life......time has evolve to this extent such that domestic animals cant live without human. n in fact, we MADE them become what they are now.
Oh well...enough of all these crap. I dunno why, just feel a bit emotional now. But i can. I can. I can...
I really really can...
Night like this will be never ending. I dun expect much, just need some personal time to myself. N i can only do it through blogging. I no longer find talking to people about how i feel effective, because some ppl just dun understand. No matter how much u try to explain, and how strong/weak u appear to be..they will never get what u mean. All they do is, perceive what is from the outside. I dun 'look into' people as well..oh well, guess its because a lot of us dun even understand ourselves, how do u expect us to try n understand other ppl? My table is full of things, papers flying around, GNC medicine box, my big big pencil case, all my stationaries...cups, water bottle, my alarm clock..ar..how i wish i can throw everything into one corner. I cant even sleep on my bed for godness sake...i have my cosmopolitan, my notes on it. My WHOLE room looks super messy. Looks like i will have to find some time to clean it before i sleep tonite ( that is...IF im goin to sleep). I didn get to sleep yesterday, didn know what i did.guess nothing much productive (if u consider doin jcrc stuff productive). No sch work. a bit sad. Well, as my msn nick suggest, I dun set my priorites, they set me in automatically. Sometimes, out of no choice, i have to do things that 'seems' more important at certain time...but ultimately, other things were more important.
Today was a damn tiring day. Busy, as usual. Slept through my morning till 2 pm this afternoon, wasted my whole morning and i skipped lecture (not that i want to). Right now...i always have this idea that sleeping is equivalent to wasting my time. I slept from morning till afternoon n i felt damn bad after that...Now is 3.45 am, later in the morning, there will be more tasks for me to accomplish. I will have to bear with it.
...
Sometimes, i really do feel deprive. Whenever i think through my own calendar and run through all the thigns that i am suppose to do...i just cant figure out how much else time i can spare for myself. I used to 'stone' and day dream a lot, but now, i dun even have e luxury to. I dun believe in typing out self-motivational words...i just believe in typing out how i feel and this in turn can make me feel muchhhh better.
I feel weak, in fact. Very weak, although i always look strong and dun seem to succumb to any form of pressure. The sad fact is...because i can act. This is so pathetic. But i cannot feel sorry for myself. Life is suppose to be like this...without all these challenge and 'acting' and 'self-motivation', how else am i suppose to live life? Emotional support? from who? when my family arnt even here...alvin? But it seems that we are both v. busy with our own things. I cant be bothered to bother him and i cannot even afford to be cranky at times...like xiao hui. (n ya, i forgot to feed him again, wonder whether he ever feels lonely staying in e cage alone or not). I am against animal keeping, maybe i should set xiao hui free one day..but i am more against of animal abuse. Because, if i set him free, he will not be able to survive. This is the reality of life......time has evolve to this extent such that domestic animals cant live without human. n in fact, we MADE them become what they are now.
Oh well...enough of all these crap. I dunno why, just feel a bit emotional now. But i can. I can. I can...
I really really can...
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