I FEEL
Recently, i have been quite bothered by a particular event that happened, very recent in fact. I want the person to know that i am not someone who doesnt care about anything nor am i someone who will act ignorant. Who and what i am is someone who is peace loving, very cliche i know but i am truly someone who doesnt like conflict, any form of conflict. Everybody is unique, everyone function very differently from each other even if there are traits of similarities and i feel being peace loving IS in fact a solution to many things.
Not everyone are born problem solvers nor do they deem every single small and minor issues as something that deserve immediate attention to. If everything must be resolved on the spot, the world will be - oh, such a perfect place. I do agree that problems must be solved and if they are important, urgent and very serious, the more it must be solved sooner. But there are some things that i need to emphasize - there must be time given for thoughts to gather, time given for someone to feel ready, time given for the right situation, place & time and for everything else necessasry to be organized. I have to again reemphasize that these should only apply for problems-problems, and i mean REAL problems.
You made me re-evaluate myself, you make me feel so belittled sometimes, always criticizing on things that you feel is not-right and that i probably am the ONLY source of problem. Then i start to realise i am such a NICE person, so nice that i can oversee so many things in a lot of people, i criticizes too but i never dislike or feel that someone is wrong because i strongly believe everyone has their own way of doing things. If it is a friend, or is someone whom i love, the higher the tolerance i have but it seems like a total opposite for others. The more they love someone, the higher the treshold and expectation they set for them. I am in a dilemma really. How should i behave, what and which is the proper way.
It took me one darn long day to think and because i only have the time to let my thoughts flow now, i decided i shouldnt stop myself from thinking and writing how i feel now that it is the right time. I dont and wont exactly blame anyone on what happened, i suppose there really was some unconcious actions and i can be quite convinced that sometimes people do things unknowingly and when you ask them why, they can only give you a ' I don't know'. I am sure you get this answer a lot of times when you start probing people and surely, not all actions can be explained?
Perhaps i should really change myself or behave in a more proactive way as you said. Perhaps i should be quicker and get easily affected and bothered by my surroundings, perhaps i should learn to understand you and do things the way you do, perhaps i should always think fast enough to rebuke and solve problems on the spot, perhaps i should learn to be more sensitive and observe the everything around me inclusive of things that really should be of no concern or perhaps i should learn to be more like you?
Then what makes me, me? I can no longer be the indifferent me because i have to be sensitive, i have to be bothered and i think i will be very bothered by myself for being such a nuisance. I am being who i am and that makes me very happy because i take a lot of things on a very light note. I am easily contended yet not totally satisfied and i can be a happy person even if the world collaspe, but can you? An overly sensitive person will be troubled to death and i dont want to learn to be someone like that?!
Yes, i can go on forever.
I still believe though, in making things work. If there are no diversity in a relationship, what is the point of nurturing one and i shall remain who i am but be able to sense YOUR disatisfaction and YOUR discontent but still remain who i am.
I hope your problems are solved because i really have no problems, absolutely and after writing these, i definitely feel better trained and i am no longer bothered. I can smile and i can be happy and anything can be solved but i am still me. :)
Not everyone are born problem solvers nor do they deem every single small and minor issues as something that deserve immediate attention to. If everything must be resolved on the spot, the world will be - oh, such a perfect place. I do agree that problems must be solved and if they are important, urgent and very serious, the more it must be solved sooner. But there are some things that i need to emphasize - there must be time given for thoughts to gather, time given for someone to feel ready, time given for the right situation, place & time and for everything else necessasry to be organized. I have to again reemphasize that these should only apply for problems-problems, and i mean REAL problems.
You made me re-evaluate myself, you make me feel so belittled sometimes, always criticizing on things that you feel is not-right and that i probably am the ONLY source of problem. Then i start to realise i am such a NICE person, so nice that i can oversee so many things in a lot of people, i criticizes too but i never dislike or feel that someone is wrong because i strongly believe everyone has their own way of doing things. If it is a friend, or is someone whom i love, the higher the tolerance i have but it seems like a total opposite for others. The more they love someone, the higher the treshold and expectation they set for them. I am in a dilemma really. How should i behave, what and which is the proper way.
It took me one darn long day to think and because i only have the time to let my thoughts flow now, i decided i shouldnt stop myself from thinking and writing how i feel now that it is the right time. I dont and wont exactly blame anyone on what happened, i suppose there really was some unconcious actions and i can be quite convinced that sometimes people do things unknowingly and when you ask them why, they can only give you a ' I don't know'. I am sure you get this answer a lot of times when you start probing people and surely, not all actions can be explained?
Perhaps i should really change myself or behave in a more proactive way as you said. Perhaps i should be quicker and get easily affected and bothered by my surroundings, perhaps i should learn to understand you and do things the way you do, perhaps i should always think fast enough to rebuke and solve problems on the spot, perhaps i should learn to be more sensitive and observe the everything around me inclusive of things that really should be of no concern or perhaps i should learn to be more like you?
Then what makes me, me? I can no longer be the indifferent me because i have to be sensitive, i have to be bothered and i think i will be very bothered by myself for being such a nuisance. I am being who i am and that makes me very happy because i take a lot of things on a very light note. I am easily contended yet not totally satisfied and i can be a happy person even if the world collaspe, but can you? An overly sensitive person will be troubled to death and i dont want to learn to be someone like that?!
Yes, i can go on forever.
I still believe though, in making things work. If there are no diversity in a relationship, what is the point of nurturing one and i shall remain who i am but be able to sense YOUR disatisfaction and YOUR discontent but still remain who i am.
I hope your problems are solved because i really have no problems, absolutely and after writing these, i definitely feel better trained and i am no longer bothered. I can smile and i can be happy and anything can be solved but i am still me. :)
2 Comments:
hey ah wen... i know you're a happy go lucky girl and i really appreciate you for it! =) we need to be less broody about life afterall!
i for one, am not very successful at what you do! But you know what, there is a balance in everything, even in characters and just like a cycle of yin and yang, things will always even out =)
chin up! MISS YA
wen mei...
umm. after reading this entry of ur blog, no doubt, i'm on your side.
but to put things in perspective, I think u have to weigh the importance of staying true to yourself, and the relationship with others.
ultimately, the world is made up of interdependent relationships, by independent individuals. for one, i know you're already an independent individual. now its up to you which interdependent relationship u wanna keep in your life.
:) i hope things work out just fine for u.
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